I am more than a number.

This week I am trying really hard to avoid gluten and wheat to see if it has any effect on how sick I have been feeling. I am able to link my sick stomach back to some form of gluten or wheat so I think reducing the amount I consume should help me feel less bloated! I have been really frustrated in the past few weeks as I am doing all I should be doing, but haven't been seeing a great result on the scales. I've been walking lots, eating very healthily and drinking lots of water. I have even gone as far as cutting out my beloved diet coke as I was drinking WAY to much of that instead of water! I, as a result, have been feeling much better and so much less sluggish.

As I weighed in last week, and I was down 1.5lbs, I needed a kick up the backside as I was disappointed. I had been doing everything right yet the scales didn't add up in my option. I am the first person to tell someone else how well they are doing, that a lb is a lb and they should be happy, but this week I just couldn't kick the feeling that it wasn't good enough.

I have spent the last few days really thinking about this, and I have come to the conclusion 

1. I am yet again my own worst enemy. 
2. I think as we all embark on this lifestyle change, we rely heavily on the scales to make us feel good about ourselves.

Of course, we all gather together once a week and the main aim is that we see a loss on the scales, and the main goal is to loose weight to become healthier. But I think I have swayed away from my main focus of becoming healthier, and have been more focused on what the scales tell me each week. I am allowing the number on the scales define how I feel about myself and that's not ok. If I have a loss, I obviously feel over the moon, but if I don't loose the amount that I think I deserve to, or God forbid I stay the same, I am really cross at myself and stomp around the house for a few hours after weigh in, beating myself up despite knowing deep down I am making the right choices. 

I fail to take into account the immeasurable benefits that my healthier lifestyle is having on my life long term. I am happier now than I have been in months. My skin and hair are in the best condition of my life. I have energy. I am excited about food, about feeding my body the right foods rather than eating for the sake of eating. I am sleeping better. My joints don't hurt anymore. I can walk without getting puffed. The list goes on and on...

Obviously, I need to loose weight, that's why I am in weight watchers. But allowing a number on a scales dictate how I feel about myself for the rest of the week is not acceptable. And it really can! If I've been really well behaved but I STS, I can really feel rubbish for a few days afterwards. I forget that I am doing my body a favour by being healthier, and that the weight loss will come, and I only focus on what that scales tell me. I love the Special K ad that has women weighing in..removing keys & phones from pockets and hoping the scales will be favourable. All the scales tell them is "you're beautiful". If we are all working hard at being healthy, making the right choices, exercising well and generally leading a positive life, we shouldn't let the scales change how we feel about ourselves. We are doing the best we can, and it might take is a while to get to where we want to be, but right now in this moment, we are doing the best for our health.

So this week I made a list of things I can do now that I couldn't before I started this new chapter in my life. I listed out the benefits of being healthier and what impact it's having on my life. I listed things about myself both physically and internally. I pretty much gave myself a pep talk about why I should be proud of the changes in my life I am making. And I'd encourage you all to do the same! It really perked me up seeing how far I've come, and seeing what positive impacts being healthier is having on my life.

The weight loss will come in time as long as I continue to treat myself well.

For now, that's what I am going to focus on.