Goodbye 2013....Hello 2014!

I am so ashamed to say it has been over a month since I last blogged! Like everyone else I was swept up in the excitement leading up to Christmas and my blog slipped to the back of my mind! I decided I had to blog tonight to ensure I got a blog post in before New Years was upon us!

My Christmas was lovely, we stayed in Cork this year and spent Christmas day in my in-laws house. I loved decorating our home and getting all our handmade gifts wrapped. I had decided that I wasn't going to take any days off plan. I was determined to enjoy my Christmas but not to over do it. I know from past experience I can use Christmas as an excuse to go mad and eat all around me. 

This year I knew if I set myself limits I could still enjoy myself but no go too wild! I didn't buy any tins of sweets, biscuits or selection boxes...my poor husband loved me!! I treated all the days leading up to Christmas as normal, and on Christmas day I made sure I took control of certain things to allow me to stay on track. I offered to cook all the veggies...I did brussel sprouts with bacon, carrot & parsnip mash, roasted veg and "roast potatoes". I made sure all the veg were zero points or as low as possible so I filled my plate up with lots of them, then my turkey and ham and my gluten free stuffing. It was such a yummy dinner and I had no guilt afterwards! 

All my sisters in laws made desserts for after dinner and I opted to make a raspberry and dark chocolate baked cheese cake. It worked out as just 6pp per slice and was very tasty! It also meant I could sit and have a cuppa with my family and not feel excluded.

Stephen's Day was back to normal for me and I must admit I felt great for not letting food dictate how I felt about myself over Christmas. I of course had treats, like a few sneaky slices of my mother in laws coffee cake...which i pointed! I am really hoping that when I return to weigh in I will be down, but even if I'm not I know I stayed true to my plan. 

I am looking forward to welcoming in the New Year, and focusing on reaching my goal. I'm not sure what the New Year will bring but I am feeling optimistic. I am proud of what i have achieved and hope that 2014 will bring a new set of challenges and successes! Here's to a slim 2014!

It's a process...

In the past, when I have been trying to loose weight, I have always looked for the quick fix. I have always wanted to get the weight off as fast as possible, in whatever way that worked the fastest. I didn't care if it wasn't healthy, or sustainable, I just wanted something to got rid of the problem. I tried liquid diets, I tried weight loss pills and I tried excessive exercise. All of these things worked...for all of around two days. I would either become fatigued, I would become irrational or I would just plain old give up because I was hungry! Sound familiar?

Even when I rejoined weight watchers in May, I began to get frustrated as I wasn't loosing the weight fast enough. I wasn't content with a loss of 1lb a week as I felt it was a slow slog rather than a life changing weight loss. 

I have noticed recently there are "quick fix" weight loss diet plans EVERYWHERE. 

The Internet, the TV and Facebook. 

"Drink these shakes and you'll be guaranteed to loose 2 stone in 8 weeks." 

"Order these pills and you'll see a weight loss 3 x more effective than diet alone." 

I was even watching the biggest looser this week and found myself doubting my own weight loss as the contestants on it were annoyed because they "only" lost 12lbs this week. No wonder we are tough on ourselves when we are surrounded by outside, unhealthy influences. It took me almost 4 years to put on my weight...I am not going to healthily loose it in a matter of weeks. 

It can really throw our focus off when we compare ourselves to other people, other weight loss plans or how we performed in the past. For example, I have found (until recent weeks) my weight loss has been twice as slow as it was when I first did weight watchers when I was 19. I beat myself up big time for the first few weeks of re-joining instead of embracing the fact I had taken the biggest step in re-joining, and that I should be proud of myself. 

I have come to the realisation that I am my own person, that my body shape is unique to me and there is no point in me wishing I was like someone else. My weight loss journey is also unique to me and I will only drive myself mad if I am constantly comparing how many lbs I loose a week to the person next to me in the ww line. We can rob ourselves of mini victories by wishing we had major victories. We all know that little by little, a little becomes a lot. But if we are so focused on how everyone else is doing and are constantly forgetting to congratulate ourselves, we fail to see how well we are doing. 

I feel that I am in the most healthy mind frame I have been since re-joining ww. I am focused on a long term, healthy lifestyle goal, rather than a quick fix. I am seeing the mini goals I am reaching, and I'm proud of that. It's not always easy, and I know that life can throw stumbling blocks every now and again. With my back injury, I am learning that it's how we handle the stumbling blocks that is important. I could have used my back as an excuse, and let my focus slip, but instead I have tried to keep my eye on my end goal...which is to lead a healthy, happy life. 

With Christmas approaching, I am so excited to spend time with my family. I know that this Christmas I won't be hiding behind the camera instead of having my photo taken. I can feel my confidence is rising, and although I am not at "goal" I am feeling happy in my own skin. I have a pretty dress to wear on Christmas day and I have a stunning 1950's style dress on hold for our ww Christmas dinner. 

One big thing I am aware of is that I am not avoiding social situations. Last year, the idea of a Christmas party would have been the last thing I wanted to do. The idea having to be around a lot of people would have been a nightmare. I was so self conscious and felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. This year, I'm not even paying a second thought that side of a social gathering. I'm just looking forward to spending time with those I love and not making excuses.

So, as you can gather, I am trying to drive in the importance of focusing on YOU. 

But on the positives, rather than the negatives. 

Be proud of you...be confident in YOUR skin....do no put YOURSELF down... 

Whether you are on day one of your journey, or day 1000...you are doing it. 

You have something to be proud of, don't let anything rob you of that.

When life gives you lemons...

So as some as you many know, after my last post I went for an MRI on my spine as the pain I was experiencing was getting worse rather than better. My scan showed I have "stress" on my L4 & L5 joints and inflammation around my facet joints in that area. All in all, I've made a bit of a dogs dinner of my back! It turns out that because of my bad knees I have been standing and walking badly for years, and as a result I've been putting extra pressure on my lower back...thus leading to this mess I'm in! I've started a long term physio journey and will just have to get on with things for now. I'm learning that I just need to be patient!

As a result of me being unable to go for my much loved walks I have had to be much more careful about my food. I've also found I am having to make a real effort in making "yummy" food as my appetite isn't wonderful from the pain relief I'm on. I'm experimenting with food more and enjoying testing out new recipes. I am slowly learning that although exercise one of the elements that help on a weight loss journey, it is not the primary focus. I'm also learning that proper preparation really does prevent poor performance. By making sure I have lots of ww friendly treats in the press & fresh food in the fridge I'm much more likely to try and stay on track. 

In the last four weeks I have lost between 1-2 lbs a week which is the most consistent weight loss I have had since re-joining in May. I'm really starting to notice the difference in the way I look and now that I'm only 2lbs away from being down 5stone I am feeling fairly proud of myself. So even though life is handing me lemons at the moment, I am determined to make some pretty nice lemonade out of it. :)

I went to Killarney last weekend with my hubby, my great friend Sarah (who is also my weight watchers buddy) and her bf. As we headed off I was a little worried about how I would stay on track being away from home and having to eat out for every meal. It was the first time I was going away since re-joining and I was worried I would use it as an excuse to go off the rails a little. I was also worried that I wouldn't be able to have food that suited my Gluten Free diet. 

We were staying in an amazing old manor house and had booked in for B&B. From the scrummy gf french toast I had for breakfast each morning to the sea salt and peanut butter ice cream I had as a treat, everything I ate was tracked. I let my hair down...I had treats..I had pizza and I had sangria...but I made sure I accounted for everything and I didn't feel one bit guilty as a result. I was really amazed at how versatile the ww programme is, and being away proved that to me. Once you're prepared to write it down, you can keep an eye on things & ensure you don't go too mad. I came home feeling proud that I didn't go overboard and I even had 10 weeklies left. 

Life is for living, and weight watchers really is tailored to fit around life. I am starting to believe this is a long term, lifestyle change and the only thing standing in the way of my success is me! No more excuses, no more pity parties...I'm doing this! Who's with me?!

Eyes on the prize.

I've had a bit of set back in the last few weeks. I have no idea how, but I have a possible bulging disc in my lower back. I don't know if I was doing gymnastics in my sleep, but I just woke up one morning and noticed a dull pain in my lower back. This pain has slowly but surely worsened over the last three weeks. After four doctors visits and very high pain relief, I’ve been referred for an MRI later this week followed by Physio. Yipee! I'll be honest, I have really struggled since this has happened. I've gone from walking my 3km block every second night to being stuck on the sofa able to do nothing...zilch...zero. I have done more activity than I probably should, resulting in my hubby giving out to me and ordering me back to the sofa to rest. I've been fidgety, frustrated, fed up and just wanting to get back on my feet. 

Normally when I am sick or injured, I turn to food. I normally want comfort food, chocolate, anything to make me feel better. I refused to return to my old ways and comfort myself with food. Instead, I planned. I shopped healthy, I made soups and dinners in advance and I made sure I had lots of low pp snacks in the house. The result? 2.5lbs lost in the last two weigh ins. I'm still recovering, and still very frustrated I can't get out for my walks with the dog, but I know that will come with time. Hopefully this MRI will get to the route of the problem and I will be back on my feet again properly in no time!

Being in a compromised position has made me realise I really am in charge of what the outcome is. No one else has any control over what I eat, I'm the only one responsible. I choose what I put in my mouth, and I am responsible for the outcome. I could have thrown in the towel, resigned to the fact I couldn't exercise and allowed it to be an excuse to eat what I want when I wanted. I could have chosen the tub of Ben & jerries instead of the skinny cow ice pop, but I am determined to keep moving forward, even if it is at a slower pace than I had hoped for. Why? Because I know how far I have come and I’m not prepared to let a little blip in my road ruin all my hard work. I have my eyes on the prize and I'm determined to get there, no matter how long it takes. 

I think so often we can get caught up in moving forward and forget to look back at how far we have already come. Have you stopped & looked back at how far you've come? As of tonight I have lost 62lbs. I have so far gone from a size 22 to a size 16. I am healthier, happier and fitter than I was a year ago. Yes, I still have a bit left to go, but I have made some progress to date. I was talking to my sister in-law the other day, and she didn't believe me that I used to worry if I would fit in an airplane seat when we went away on holiday. She couldn't picture me as a size 22, despite the fact that I was wearing jeans that size for a number of months. Although admitting to her I once was that size made me very embarrassed, it also made me proud. Proud that I took the step to better my life and proud that I am every day committing to try my best, despite what blips life throws at me. I am passionate about becoming healthier, bettering myself and also encouraging others along their journeys. 

I know I will get to where I want to be and I know that this time I will maintain it. 

Why? 

Because I am worth more than settling for a life where I am fed up of my weight. 

I am worth more than putting my health at risk. 

And I want to LIVE my life, not just survive it. 

Learning to be nicer to me!

The last two weeks have been a bit of roller coaster. The weeks leading up to my husbands oncology appointment always are. They are filled with worry, anxiety and normally comfort eating. And when I say comfort eating, I really mean comfort eating. I normally would aimlessly pick my way through the cupboards, the fridge and the freezer with out even realising I was doing it. I would loose total run of myself and not care about the results. Exercise wouldn't play a roll in relieving stress, it wouldn't even factor into the equation. 

I had an unexplained gain of 3lbs last week, which I was absolutely gutted about. So this teamed with my inbuilt want to comfort eat could have ended in complete disaster this week. I could have said "sod it" and just used my hubbies appointment as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted.

As hubbies appointment approached, I actively made a choice that I was going to handle my stress in a different way this time. Instead of binging on anything I could get my hands on, I planned my meals. I adapted my normal go to comfort foods so they were ww friendly. I still had my tummy warming, soul comforting dinners but with a healthier twist. I'll add my recipe for "Cauliflower, cheese and chips" to my recipe tab (over there to the right!) which has always been my go-to dinner when things are a bit rubbish. I adapted it, and still enjoyed every soothing mouthful but without the guilt. I made sure my "bar box" was filled with ww friendly treats, all only 2 or 3 pp each so if I needed a bit of chocolate or something sweet, I could have a few snacks and not live to regret it.

On Sunday morning my hubby and I headed for a big walk around the cliffs in Churchbay/Fountainstown. The path was completely overgrown so it was a bit of a struggle, but beating the plants out of the way was a great stress buster! We walked for around 2 hours and afterwards I felt much more relaxed. 

After a long few days, and a very few tense hours on Monday morning, we were delighted to hear my hubby is 1.5 years in complete remission. The oncologist was delighted to see how well hubby is doing and thrilled to hear he is able to do things like hike up Torc Mountain! As you can imagine, a huge weight was lifted. We could both breathe again and not have a horrible stress hanging over us. We walked around town like we were floating on cloud 9. I can't even explain the relief! 

After such a stressful week, my husband and I made a positive pact. We decided that for the next two weeks, I was only allowed to speak positively about myself, my weight loss and my image. I am my own worst enemy for putting myself down, and despite loosing 3.5lbs at weigh in on Tuesday, I was beating myself up as I thought it would be more. I agreed that I was only going to lift myself up instead of tearing myself down. I think we really can be our own worst critics.

To go with my new attitude, I went and got my hair chopped. I had been trying to grow it, but the ends were dead and lifeless so I figured a fresh new start was needed. After my hair appointment, I figured I would try on a few dresses my ww buddy Sarah had kindly given me. The last time I tried them on they fitted but not comfortably. Today, I felt like a million dollars. I really am starting to see my shape again and it's a welcome sight! 

So, as this week continues, I am going to make an extra effort to be nicer to me. After everything me and my love have been through, I think it's time I stop stressing and just enjoy the now. The weight loss will come in time, my fitness will continue to improve and if I just stop beating myself up, I might actually realise I am doing pretty darn great!

Climbing my Everest

Beep, beep, beep. I rolled over and looked at my phone, 6.30am...what was I thinking? I can't remember the last time I had to get up at that time. I was tempted to hit snooze but I remembered why I set the alarm so early. Andrew & I were off to Killarney to hike all 1682 ft of Torc Mountain. Eeek! I had that knot in the pit of your stomach feeling, this was the first mountain I had ever attempted to climb and to be honest, I was terrified. A million self doubts rushed around in my head..could I do it? Would I make a fool of myself? Would it be worth it if I failed? I reminded myself that the last time I attempted to do any proper hiking I was over 4 stone heavier. The new, fitter, healthier me can do anything she puts her mind to. I pushed self doubt aside, told myself I would give it my all and climbed out of bed.

Saturday was glorious weather, and yesterday, Sunday was due to be the same. Perfect hiking weather apparently, crisp, dry and spectacular views at the end. We both staggered around in the dark, grabbed our hiking gear and got our food supply out of the fridge. I had packed sausages for Andrew for breakfast and bacon medallions and gluten free toast for me, both of which we were planning on cooking beside the lake on our camping stove. I had also packed sandwiches and some goodies for after our hike, all of which I pre-tracked so I knew I could eat whatever I had packed. 6.45am and we hopped into the car and headed towards Killarney. It was starting to brighten up a little, but there were a few drops of rain which we hoped would clear before we started hiking.

We arrived into Killarney at 8am and we were met with a heavy layer of fog and very heavy rain. So heavy, we couldn't even see the mountain we were going to climb! We had planned on setting off at 9am for Torc, but decided to have our breakfast beside one of the lakes & go for a small hike in a forest first to see if the weather lifted. Andrew set a time limit of 11am, and if he felt the weather was dangerous, we wouldn't be going anywhere! We parked up the car, set up a little kitchen in the back seat of the car and tucked into our breakfast! After we had our fill we headed to Muckross for a walk through the forest to see what the weather was doing. 

11am came, and the weather was still pretty rotten. We decided to drive to the car park beside Torc to see if we would give it a go. We arrived at the car park and the scale of the mountain really hit home. It was huge and given the weather, I could only see halfway up! Self doubt started creeping back in, but I decided I was worth more than that. I told my hubby that I wasn't put off by the weather and I wanted to give it a go. Why you may ask? I needed to at least try. I had geared myself up mentally, prepared myself and I wanted to prove to myself I could do this.

We started our climb, which began with a one mile hike to the base of the mountain. As we stood at the base of the mountain I reminded myself of how far I had come already and told myself again that I could do this. I have to say, my husband was amazing. He encouraged me every step of the way, slowed down without saying anything when he could see I was struggling and gave me little pep talks when I was doubting myself. The mountain is a mixture of railway sleepers and rocks and it varies in how step the gradient is. It was absolutely pouring, and at times we couldn't see more than a few feet ahead of us. Rain was pouring off my face & I had my own personal swimming pool in my hiking boots! At a few stages I have to be honest, I wanted to turn back. But I knew I would beat myself up if I did. Andrew was brilliant & kept telling me we were almost there. I was aching, sweating and struggling, but loving it. Andrew told me to literally take it one step at a time. I started counting my steps in groups of 4 and found this helped me have a regular pace. Andrew kept telling me..just one step at a time...it doesn't matter how slowly we go as long as we are moving forward.

We turned a corner, and Andrew uttered the magic words...you see that? That's the top! All of a sudden I got a massive rush of adrenaline and we marched to the top! It was blowing a gale, there was no view at all as it was raining so heavily, and we were both drowned...but it didn't matter! WE DID IT!! I won't lie, I shed a few tears...mostly because we realised I left our victory chocolate bar in the car!! We took at few photos at the top and had to head back down quickly as the weather really started closing in. I swear to you, I floated down the mountain! I was so unbelievably proud of myself!

An hour later, we were back at the car. We were soaked to the bone, freezing but very, very happy. We had our munchies in the car, turned on the heating full welly and got into some dry clothes! In total over the course of the day, we hiked 6.5 miles, burnt over 1,200 calories, were on the go for almost 4 hours and climbed 1682 ft. But most importantly, I proved to myself I can do anything I put my mind to. I have made a commitment to better my life by becoming healthier, and by doing so, I am able to enjoy wonderful experiences like this one with my best friend and my love. What could be better?

Have a great week everyone! I am still floating!

trains, birthdays and staying focused.

This week I headed up to my parents house for my birthday weekend. I decided to get the train up home and as I have said in the past, long journeys and me do not mix. I get bored and as a result I think I'm hungry...and I pick, pick, pick! I headed to Dundalk on Thursday morning at 9am. Normally I'd have rolled out of bed, grabbed my bag & headed for the train. This would have meant a breakfast on the train, probably consisting of chocolate and crisps. Not this time! I got up early, I made my breakfast and packed a lunch for myself too. I pointed everything in my lunch box and knew I could snack away and not do any damage! I love feeling prepared, and as a result knowing I am not setting myself up for failure.

I was determined to keep my focus while I was away. It was my birthday on Sunday and I could have used it as an excuse to go off the rails. Instead I offered to cook dinner for my family two out of the three nights I was away to ensure I was making wise choices. My mum and dad welcomed the break and I felt I was able to stay in charge of what I was eating. I also brought my walking gear up with me so I made sure I got in two good walks while I was up there.

I made one big mistake while I was away, and that was to have some brownie birthday cake. I didn't cop on until after I had eaten two fork fulls that it wasn't gluten free, and as a result I paid for it BIG time. I was very ill the next day and have been bloated and retaining fluid since. It made me realise that although I'm not officially a celiac, gluten & wheat do not agree with me at all. I had been feeling great following a gluten & wheat free diet and one little slip up has brought me back to feeling rough. It was a wake up call for me, and I do not want to go back to feeling so ill. So, from now on, I will be double checking anything I haven't made myself!

As a result, I was dreading weigh in last night. I knew it wasn't going to be a loss, but I was very disappointed when I stayed the same. My TOM is due, so that didn't help matters either. But it is still disheartening when your hard work doesn't pay off. I had made a commitment to eat more of my weekly points, which I did. I walked twice in Dundalk (around 3.5miles) and did a 3 mile walk when I came home along with a 4.5mile beach cycle. So as you can imagine I was a little frustrated. It can be very difficult when, despite you're very best efforts, the scales don't show any change. 

I do however know I have lost 4 stone and that's a massive achievement, and I have to focus on how far I have come. I also know I am toning up from my exercise which is brilliant. I measured myself a little over a month ago, and again this week and I've lost 4 inches off my chest, and a few more off other places. My waist is now measuring 31inches which is a nice number considering what it used to be! I know my fitness is improving massively too. I know next week the scales should show a good loss, and I have to use the frustration I feel this week to drive me forward rather than letting it hold me back. And most importantly, I know I am doing everything in my power to ensure I am being healthy.

When I was able to go for a beach cycle with Andrew, it was the best feeling ever. The last cycle we went on, I had a panic attack as I couldn't catch my breath. I lasted all of about 5 minutes and we had to turn around. I was so embarrassed and so annoyed I couldn't do the cycle with him. This time, not only did I manage to cycle, I did so on sand! We went to Red Barn and although the weather was misty and cold, I absolutely loved it. I loved feeling alive, I loved the feeling of being outdoors, and mostly I loved being able to keep up with my husband and have fun doing something together.

What better reward for my hard work to date, then to enjoy quality time with my love.

A year ago neither of us would have been able to do that cycle, for very different reasons.

Why waste one single moment.

I'm determined to be healthy & live my life to the fullest, not let it pass me by.



 





Back on my feet again & feeling motivated.

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't updated in a week or so. I really was knocked for six with my shoulder/neck issue. I am finally feeling less stiff and am so thankful to be back on my feet again. I managed to loose one lb despite feeling like a balloon! I was stuck inside for around a week, most of that stuck on the sofa and I have to be honest...I absolutely hated it. A few months ago I would have loved an excuse to have a lazy week, pig out and to just veg on the sofa. But last week I felt like I was being robbed! I felt lazy, sluggish and claustrophobic. I just wanted to get out side and breathe. It made me realise I have really grown to enjoy going for my walks. I started to crave getting back on my feet and clearing my head with a good walk.



I absolutely love the feeling of sticking on a hoody, my joggers, my runners and putting the dog on her lead and just walking. And that is something I really missed last week. So needless to say when I managed to get to the beach on Wednesday morning for a stroll I felt like I was blowing the cobwebs off. I felt more alive and just grateful to be back on my feet again. It's time that I just enjoy being by myself. It gives me time to clear my head, walk off any worries I may have, and just get back to me. For me, exercise and eating healthily go hand in hand. If I've been for a really nice walk, I am more likely to cook a lovely, healthy & filling dinner rather than undo my hard work by eating rubbish. And as a result, I feel even better.

This week I have managed to get out for two big walks, one with my friend and fellow weightwatcher-er Sarah and one by myself out in a fabulous forest. The walk with Sarah was a great achievement for me as I had attempted the same walk around 6 months previously and I nearly died. I was completely out of breath, and had to stop 5 times on route to the top of the hill. This time, myself and Sarah powered up the hill, and I felt great once we reached the top. It made me embarrassed to look back at how unfit I was, but more so I was proud that I have come as far as I have so far.

The second walk I went on was meant to be my first c25k attempt. I headed out the park/forest that I intended to try to jog for the first time in around 5 years. I was all geared up, app installed, water ready and dog excited. I got to the park and started my warm up. All was going well, until I started to jog. I slowly started to realise my joggers were sliding down my legs. I managed to grab them before they ended up around my ankles and tried to continue my jog. But alas, it was not to be. Trying to juggle an excited dog who was wondering what the heck I was doing, and my jogging bottoms who were making a bid for freedom was too difficult. The old me would have packed it in (well realistically the old me would have still been sat on the sofa) and written off the experience. Instead, I figured my bottoms stayed up while I walked so myself and Hollydog headed off for a walk/hike around the forest. Almost 2 hours later, a very puffed me and a very panty Holly collapsed into the car. And boy oh boy, did I feel great. I think I am slowly learning that the main thing is not to make up excuses, to try and make the best out of a situation. The only one I would be fooling is myself.

I am feeling pretty optimistic about tomorrows weigh in. I've been very motivated this week and have been really organised. I am feeling the benefits from all my hard work and I genuinely feel like this is now a lifestyle for me, not a diet or a fad. I don't feel hard done by, or that I am depriving myself. I feel quite the opposite. I am taking care of myself and my body is thanking me for it.

Not only are the lbs coming off, but little things like my skin and nails are improving.

And I for one am feeling wonderful as result!

Onwards and downwards!

House bound and frustrated!

This week started off really well. I went to my weekly weigh in and I was delighted to be down 2lbs! I got my 2nd stone and my 28lb cert so I was thrilled! Even more so, I was very happy that I was down after being away on holidays. Holidays are normally a disaster for me, so I was very proud that I managed to have a loss. I walked out of weigh in with my head held high and was determined to have a great week this week.

I walked the dog around the block on Wednesday morning, came home, had a shower and was in the middle of French braiding my hair when something in my shoulder and neck "went". I was stuck, home alone, with my left arm above my head and in absolute agony! I tend to dislocate joints pretty easily..my knees go very regularly, ankles have been known to pop too..and on lesser occasions my toes! So, as I was sitting with my arm above my head I thought my shoulder had popped. I managed to lower my arm, and as I did I realised the pain was stemming from my neck and shoulder and that my shoulder was indeed still in its socket!

So, since Wednesday I have been laid up on my sofa or in bed. I caved in and went to the Doctor yesterday and I have apparently badly pulled a muscle in my neck & shoulder! BRAIDING MY HAIR!! Not cycling or jogging, but doing my hair! It sounds pretty pathetic! Even my Doctor laughed at me when I told him how I had ended up in such a mess!

As you can imagine, this has put a bit of a halt to my activity this week. I was hoping to keep up the momentum for my walking but I've had to be realistic. I'm on a pretty strong mix of anti inflammatory and muscle relaxants in a bid to relax the muscle enough to make the pain ease off so walking is out of the question.  As a result I am having to be extra careful with my food and make sure I stay on programme. I was prepared on Tuesday & I made a massive pot of zero point soup. This has lasted me the week for all of my lunches and as a result I haven't had to think about what to have at all. I have also been having easy dinners, ones my hubby can manage to make! I have also been drinking around 5 litres of water a day to try and make sure I am staying plenty hydrated.

I have had to just remember that Weight Watchers isn't a race, and we will all face road blocks every now and again. This is only temporary and hopefully next week I will be back on my feet and able to take on the world again.

For now, I am going to enjoy a few days of TLC and sofa rest,

 and try to not eat all around me! ;)

Back from holidays and feeling great!

Sorry it has been longer than normal in between posts! I was away on a short holiday with my husband. I had booked flights for us to Jersey as a surprise for him for his birthday and we headed off on Tuesday of last week. I was so excited about going but also so nervous. I was very worried I'd give into holiday temptation and regret it hugely once the rose coloured glasses came off!

I have to say, I am rather proud of myself as I was very well behaved while we were away. Jersey itself is quite a small island and we opted not to hire a car as my cousin had offered to drive us around if needed. This in itself was probably the wisest choice we made as it forced us to walk everywhere. We were based around a mile outside of the town & rather quickly I began to clock up activity points with the walking we were doing just simply exploring. In total, we estimated we walked around 25km in 3 days which I thought was pretty good going! I kept my activity points separate and I didn't dip into them over the break. 

In terms of food, I did not for one second feel deprived. We ate out on our first night and I opted for a yummy salad with the dressing on the side. I also enjoyed some Processco with elderflower which I pointed accordingly. I ate lunches out most days with my husband and my family, but made very wise choices and never regretted anything I ate. One day in particular I had the most delicious Lemon and Honey Chicken Kebab with side salad and I really enjoyed it.

I of course had treats too, but opted for Milky Moo ice pops at 1pp when my hubby went for a 99. We were taken to one amazing harbour that is famous for its HUGE 99s. I have to admit, I had a tub with the equivalent  to a small 99 amount of ice cream but with out the cone or flake. I pointed it and I enjoyed every lick! My husband however did not show the same restraint and went for the very LARGE 99. :)

I have come home from this holiday feeling really relaxed and not in one bit guilty. I had a wonderful few days and I felt it really showed how flexible the programme is. I was able to have a breakfast out on the morning we left Ireland and on the way home, and had healthy choices for both (porridge & fresh fruit in Cork, and Fruit salad and l.f Greek yoghurt in Jersey). I was able to eat out most days but make smart choices. I even had the most delicious white choc and raspberry mini cheese cake one evening, but again was able to factor it all into my dailies and weeklies. 

I think this holiday was a test of how committed I was to the programme. This time last year I went away & I simply ate my way through the holiday and came home feeling rotten and not to mention a few lbs heavier as a result. I really struggled to get back on the wagon after that. This time I made good choices and most importantly I had a wonderful time with my husband. We went walking, sight seeing and my husband even flew us to France in a 4 seater plane. It was his first time flying since he was ill so it was a big achievement!

After this holiday there is no getting back on the wagon as I never came off it. 
And that's a gooood feeling!

I am more than a number.

This week I am trying really hard to avoid gluten and wheat to see if it has any effect on how sick I have been feeling. I am able to link my sick stomach back to some form of gluten or wheat so I think reducing the amount I consume should help me feel less bloated! I have been really frustrated in the past few weeks as I am doing all I should be doing, but haven't been seeing a great result on the scales. I've been walking lots, eating very healthily and drinking lots of water. I have even gone as far as cutting out my beloved diet coke as I was drinking WAY to much of that instead of water! I, as a result, have been feeling much better and so much less sluggish.

As I weighed in last week, and I was down 1.5lbs, I needed a kick up the backside as I was disappointed. I had been doing everything right yet the scales didn't add up in my option. I am the first person to tell someone else how well they are doing, that a lb is a lb and they should be happy, but this week I just couldn't kick the feeling that it wasn't good enough.

I have spent the last few days really thinking about this, and I have come to the conclusion 

1. I am yet again my own worst enemy. 
2. I think as we all embark on this lifestyle change, we rely heavily on the scales to make us feel good about ourselves.

Of course, we all gather together once a week and the main aim is that we see a loss on the scales, and the main goal is to loose weight to become healthier. But I think I have swayed away from my main focus of becoming healthier, and have been more focused on what the scales tell me each week. I am allowing the number on the scales define how I feel about myself and that's not ok. If I have a loss, I obviously feel over the moon, but if I don't loose the amount that I think I deserve to, or God forbid I stay the same, I am really cross at myself and stomp around the house for a few hours after weigh in, beating myself up despite knowing deep down I am making the right choices. 

I fail to take into account the immeasurable benefits that my healthier lifestyle is having on my life long term. I am happier now than I have been in months. My skin and hair are in the best condition of my life. I have energy. I am excited about food, about feeding my body the right foods rather than eating for the sake of eating. I am sleeping better. My joints don't hurt anymore. I can walk without getting puffed. The list goes on and on...

Obviously, I need to loose weight, that's why I am in weight watchers. But allowing a number on a scales dictate how I feel about myself for the rest of the week is not acceptable. And it really can! If I've been really well behaved but I STS, I can really feel rubbish for a few days afterwards. I forget that I am doing my body a favour by being healthier, and that the weight loss will come, and I only focus on what that scales tell me. I love the Special K ad that has women weighing in..removing keys & phones from pockets and hoping the scales will be favourable. All the scales tell them is "you're beautiful". If we are all working hard at being healthy, making the right choices, exercising well and generally leading a positive life, we shouldn't let the scales change how we feel about ourselves. We are doing the best we can, and it might take is a while to get to where we want to be, but right now in this moment, we are doing the best for our health.

So this week I made a list of things I can do now that I couldn't before I started this new chapter in my life. I listed out the benefits of being healthier and what impact it's having on my life. I listed things about myself both physically and internally. I pretty much gave myself a pep talk about why I should be proud of the changes in my life I am making. And I'd encourage you all to do the same! It really perked me up seeing how far I've come, and seeing what positive impacts being healthier is having on my life.

The weight loss will come in time as long as I continue to treat myself well.

For now, that's what I am going to focus on.