Facing my food demons.

This week has been particularly difficult week for me. It was a week that was due to be full of excitement as I was heading home to my parents for a few days, followed by a good friends wedding at the weekend. I had planned to stick with Filling and Healthy as it has been working for me and I have been consistently loosing since changing over from pointing. I was going to enjoy myself but try to stay on track as I didn't want to self sabotage when goal is creeping closer! I headed away to my parents on Wednesday and the week got off to a brilliant start. Lots of lovely chats with my folks, precious time with my niece and nephew and power walks with my big sister. I don't get home as often as I'd like, so time at home is treasured. I'm the baby of the family and I love spending time with my two big sisters and of course my Mum & Dad.  

I was really looking forward to the wedding, I had my little black dress all ready to go. I had planned out my travel arrangements and I was really looking forward to seeing my friend walk down the aisle. Life took a bit of an unexpected turn for me on Friday morning, and although I don't want to share the details, it knocked me for six. I went from feeling healthy, energetic and ready to dance the night away to laid up on the sofa, exhausted and just wanting comfort. I was relieved to be at my folks house when I feeling so unwell and my family did what they do best...offer TLC and cups of tea. 

My problem is, I am an incredible comfort eater. I have always been raised on healthy food. Good breakfasts, healthy lunches and filling dinners. But when I'm unwell, upset or dealing with something difficult..my instinct is to turn to food. I ate my way through my husband's ordeal with cancer and hence I ended up at weight watchers, again, after gaining a lot of weight. I have often fallen completely off the wagon when needing comfort, and then I have been too ashamed to climb back on. Of course, the result is then a massive weight gain when I finally break the vicious circle of eating to comfort...then eating because I'm upset that I've gained weight..

When I had this "health hiccup" my first instinct was to go and buy a load of goodies. Normally it would have been complete carnage. Anything and everything would have gone into my basket, and I would have mindlessly eaten my way through the lot. My gut was wanting to comfort myself through food, but my mind was telling me to tread carefully as it was a slippery slope into complete binge eating. I knew I should allow myself something, but I needed to be wise to I stay in control. So I went into the shop, and carefully selected some treats that I knew the PP value of, I bought a big bottle of diet coke and some nice gluten free bread too. 

I opted to do the Flex plan over the following days. This is where you can swap and change F&H days and PP days...all the while using your weekly bank of 49 PP. It worked a treat (excuse the pun). I was able to have my goodies without the guilt. I had some jellies, some chocolate and even a take away Gluten Free pizza. I gobbled up my weekly 49 points, but I stayed in control. I enjoyed my treats rather than mindlessly eating everything in sight and I felt better for it. I didn't have the overwhelming guilt I used to have after munching my way towards comfort. I enjoyed my chocolate and savoured my pizza, and didn't feel like I had let myself down on the food front. I felt I had faced my food demons and won. I weighed in last night and was delighted with my .5lb loss. I would have been content with a STS but a little loss gave me the boost I needed.

This is just one of the many hiccups I will face in my lifetime, and what this week proved to me is that I am making a life long commitment to my health. Weight Watchers isn't a diet, it's not a fad or a quick fix. It's a life long commitment to being healthy. It is about learning to deal with your food demons, and figuring how to concur them. It is a program that has the flexibility that allows you to work it into any situation...good or bad. It arms you with the tools to deal with whatever life throws at you. 

We can all do it! 

Gold cards for everyone!!

Staying Motivated (Part Two)

So this week I had a moment of self doubt. I don't know what triggered it, but I found on a number of occasions this week I was questioning myself and if I was following the programme correctly. I was being really hard on myself, and as a result I was feeling really low. I wasn't feeling confident, I wasn't feeling comfortable in my clothes and most importantly I wasn't being kind to myself. I found myself putting myself down, passing negative comments about myself and in general just in bad form. I was comparing myself to others and I was even doubting if I wanted to go to my weigh in.

Yesterday was World Cancer Day and it gave me the kick I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. As many of you know, my husband is in remission from a very aggressive and invasive form of Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. He was critically ill and I honestly nearly lost him. It was the most trying time, but one thing that I realised from it all is that life is precious. Our health is fragile. When I was caring for my hubby, I lost the run of myself. I gained a huge amount of weight and I was incredibly unhealthy. When my husband entered remission, I quickly realised that as my husband was fighting for his health, I should really do something about regaining mine.

As I browsed FB yesterday and I saw all the posts about World Cancer Day, it reminded me of what I was fighting for and why. My goal has always been to "be healthy". Not only in weight, but in mind frame as well. This also humbled me and made me remember that I have A LOT to be thankful for. I have a healthy husband who against the odds is still here beside me, I have a cosy home, I have food in my cupboards and I have family and friends whom I love dearly. 

When I sat back and looked at how I had been feeling over the past few days, I realised the only thing my bad mood was doing was holding me back. I decided there and then that it had to stop. And it has. I must say, I have felt so much more positive and empowered as a result of taking back control. Last night I went for an hours walk around Cork City (in the pouring rain) with my husband and came home feeling invigorated. This morning, after preparing my lunch in advance, I went for a walk on the beach. I've beaten my slump and I feel so much better as a result.

As this is part two of my "staying motivated" post, I thought I will include a few more tips that I have found useful over the last few months.

Number Six: Experiment with healthy recipes.

This is something that has really helped me over the past few months. Sometimes we can become stuck in a rut of eating the same meals for our breakfast, lunch and dinner. We go on autopilot and don't really think about what we are eating. I absolutely love trying new foods. I love setting myself challenges to make something really tasty, and as a result I REALLY enjoy eating what I've made. I love coming up with new recipes - both savoury and sweet - that are on programme and it really helps keep me interested in my food.

Number Seven: Change your definition of a "reward".

I have ALWAYS rewarded myself with food. If I was having a good week, I would have reward myself with a takeaway. If I was having a bad day, I would have allowed myself a chocolate bar (or ten). An old weight watchers leader I had once said "you're not a dog, so don't reward yourself with food." It was a harsh statement at the time, and I was a little offended but I have learnt recently that it's true for me. I really had come to rely on food as a "reward" and a reward could often turn into a binge for me. It would be a case of, well I've had a bad day...so I'll just have ONE chocolate bar, which would turn into ten. Or, I've done so well, I'll just have one take away to celebrate...which then turned into a week of "rewards" and a few lbs back up. In recent months, I have tried to reward myself in non food related ways. For example, as a reward for reaching my 50lb cert in WW (77lbs in total) I went and got my hair cut and coloured. It doesn't have to be that big a reward, it can be a new nail polish from Pennys or a new top that fits properly and shows off your new figure. Something for you that reminds you of your achievement each time you see it!

Number Eight: Set Mini Goals, not just one BIG goal.

When I rejoined weight watchers I was 17 stone 2lbs. I had already lost 26lbs before re-joining. If on the first day my WW leader had told me I had 5 more stone to loose to get to goal, I would have walked back out the door. I have instead taken the attitude of "little by little a little becomes a lot". I have set myself mini goals that are achievable...they have been 7lb goals, fitting into a pair of my old jeans goals, loosing a few inch goals. They are goals that are just within reach, and when I have reached them I feel great. I have slowly ticked off lots of mini goals and my ultimate goal is now within sight.

Number Nine: Don't deprive yourself..this isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle change!

I love my treats....too much, hence me being a WW member. I am, however, a firm believer that if you deprive yourself you are much more likely to have a complete blow out and fall off the wagon. I make sure every week that I have some form of a treat..be it chocolate, ice cream, a takeaway. Not as a reward, but as part of my life! I have learnt what are more WW friendly treats, and I enjoy every bite. I have never once felt deprived or felt like I am on a diet. I have friends and family commenting that they didn't realise chocolate was allowed on WW! Everything, of course, has to be in moderation though!

Number Ten: Be proud.

One thing I have learnt is that being a WW member is nothing to be ashamed of. We are all members because we are trying to make the best of ourselves. Although I gained weight and was very unhealthy, I have taken the steps needed to right the wrong. I will now tell anybody who will listen about the journey I'm on and how happy I am I took the first step. Don't be embarrassed by your past as it may be what inspires some one else to take the important step towards a healthier, happier life.