trains, birthdays and staying focused.

This week I headed up to my parents house for my birthday weekend. I decided to get the train up home and as I have said in the past, long journeys and me do not mix. I get bored and as a result I think I'm hungry...and I pick, pick, pick! I headed to Dundalk on Thursday morning at 9am. Normally I'd have rolled out of bed, grabbed my bag & headed for the train. This would have meant a breakfast on the train, probably consisting of chocolate and crisps. Not this time! I got up early, I made my breakfast and packed a lunch for myself too. I pointed everything in my lunch box and knew I could snack away and not do any damage! I love feeling prepared, and as a result knowing I am not setting myself up for failure.

I was determined to keep my focus while I was away. It was my birthday on Sunday and I could have used it as an excuse to go off the rails. Instead I offered to cook dinner for my family two out of the three nights I was away to ensure I was making wise choices. My mum and dad welcomed the break and I felt I was able to stay in charge of what I was eating. I also brought my walking gear up with me so I made sure I got in two good walks while I was up there.

I made one big mistake while I was away, and that was to have some brownie birthday cake. I didn't cop on until after I had eaten two fork fulls that it wasn't gluten free, and as a result I paid for it BIG time. I was very ill the next day and have been bloated and retaining fluid since. It made me realise that although I'm not officially a celiac, gluten & wheat do not agree with me at all. I had been feeling great following a gluten & wheat free diet and one little slip up has brought me back to feeling rough. It was a wake up call for me, and I do not want to go back to feeling so ill. So, from now on, I will be double checking anything I haven't made myself!

As a result, I was dreading weigh in last night. I knew it wasn't going to be a loss, but I was very disappointed when I stayed the same. My TOM is due, so that didn't help matters either. But it is still disheartening when your hard work doesn't pay off. I had made a commitment to eat more of my weekly points, which I did. I walked twice in Dundalk (around 3.5miles) and did a 3 mile walk when I came home along with a 4.5mile beach cycle. So as you can imagine I was a little frustrated. It can be very difficult when, despite you're very best efforts, the scales don't show any change. 

I do however know I have lost 4 stone and that's a massive achievement, and I have to focus on how far I have come. I also know I am toning up from my exercise which is brilliant. I measured myself a little over a month ago, and again this week and I've lost 4 inches off my chest, and a few more off other places. My waist is now measuring 31inches which is a nice number considering what it used to be! I know my fitness is improving massively too. I know next week the scales should show a good loss, and I have to use the frustration I feel this week to drive me forward rather than letting it hold me back. And most importantly, I know I am doing everything in my power to ensure I am being healthy.

When I was able to go for a beach cycle with Andrew, it was the best feeling ever. The last cycle we went on, I had a panic attack as I couldn't catch my breath. I lasted all of about 5 minutes and we had to turn around. I was so embarrassed and so annoyed I couldn't do the cycle with him. This time, not only did I manage to cycle, I did so on sand! We went to Red Barn and although the weather was misty and cold, I absolutely loved it. I loved feeling alive, I loved the feeling of being outdoors, and mostly I loved being able to keep up with my husband and have fun doing something together.

What better reward for my hard work to date, then to enjoy quality time with my love.

A year ago neither of us would have been able to do that cycle, for very different reasons.

Why waste one single moment.

I'm determined to be healthy & live my life to the fullest, not let it pass me by.



 





Back on my feet again & feeling motivated.

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't updated in a week or so. I really was knocked for six with my shoulder/neck issue. I am finally feeling less stiff and am so thankful to be back on my feet again. I managed to loose one lb despite feeling like a balloon! I was stuck inside for around a week, most of that stuck on the sofa and I have to be honest...I absolutely hated it. A few months ago I would have loved an excuse to have a lazy week, pig out and to just veg on the sofa. But last week I felt like I was being robbed! I felt lazy, sluggish and claustrophobic. I just wanted to get out side and breathe. It made me realise I have really grown to enjoy going for my walks. I started to crave getting back on my feet and clearing my head with a good walk.



I absolutely love the feeling of sticking on a hoody, my joggers, my runners and putting the dog on her lead and just walking. And that is something I really missed last week. So needless to say when I managed to get to the beach on Wednesday morning for a stroll I felt like I was blowing the cobwebs off. I felt more alive and just grateful to be back on my feet again. It's time that I just enjoy being by myself. It gives me time to clear my head, walk off any worries I may have, and just get back to me. For me, exercise and eating healthily go hand in hand. If I've been for a really nice walk, I am more likely to cook a lovely, healthy & filling dinner rather than undo my hard work by eating rubbish. And as a result, I feel even better.

This week I have managed to get out for two big walks, one with my friend and fellow weightwatcher-er Sarah and one by myself out in a fabulous forest. The walk with Sarah was a great achievement for me as I had attempted the same walk around 6 months previously and I nearly died. I was completely out of breath, and had to stop 5 times on route to the top of the hill. This time, myself and Sarah powered up the hill, and I felt great once we reached the top. It made me embarrassed to look back at how unfit I was, but more so I was proud that I have come as far as I have so far.

The second walk I went on was meant to be my first c25k attempt. I headed out the park/forest that I intended to try to jog for the first time in around 5 years. I was all geared up, app installed, water ready and dog excited. I got to the park and started my warm up. All was going well, until I started to jog. I slowly started to realise my joggers were sliding down my legs. I managed to grab them before they ended up around my ankles and tried to continue my jog. But alas, it was not to be. Trying to juggle an excited dog who was wondering what the heck I was doing, and my jogging bottoms who were making a bid for freedom was too difficult. The old me would have packed it in (well realistically the old me would have still been sat on the sofa) and written off the experience. Instead, I figured my bottoms stayed up while I walked so myself and Hollydog headed off for a walk/hike around the forest. Almost 2 hours later, a very puffed me and a very panty Holly collapsed into the car. And boy oh boy, did I feel great. I think I am slowly learning that the main thing is not to make up excuses, to try and make the best out of a situation. The only one I would be fooling is myself.

I am feeling pretty optimistic about tomorrows weigh in. I've been very motivated this week and have been really organised. I am feeling the benefits from all my hard work and I genuinely feel like this is now a lifestyle for me, not a diet or a fad. I don't feel hard done by, or that I am depriving myself. I feel quite the opposite. I am taking care of myself and my body is thanking me for it.

Not only are the lbs coming off, but little things like my skin and nails are improving.

And I for one am feeling wonderful as result!

Onwards and downwards!

House bound and frustrated!

This week started off really well. I went to my weekly weigh in and I was delighted to be down 2lbs! I got my 2nd stone and my 28lb cert so I was thrilled! Even more so, I was very happy that I was down after being away on holidays. Holidays are normally a disaster for me, so I was very proud that I managed to have a loss. I walked out of weigh in with my head held high and was determined to have a great week this week.

I walked the dog around the block on Wednesday morning, came home, had a shower and was in the middle of French braiding my hair when something in my shoulder and neck "went". I was stuck, home alone, with my left arm above my head and in absolute agony! I tend to dislocate joints pretty easily..my knees go very regularly, ankles have been known to pop too..and on lesser occasions my toes! So, as I was sitting with my arm above my head I thought my shoulder had popped. I managed to lower my arm, and as I did I realised the pain was stemming from my neck and shoulder and that my shoulder was indeed still in its socket!

So, since Wednesday I have been laid up on my sofa or in bed. I caved in and went to the Doctor yesterday and I have apparently badly pulled a muscle in my neck & shoulder! BRAIDING MY HAIR!! Not cycling or jogging, but doing my hair! It sounds pretty pathetic! Even my Doctor laughed at me when I told him how I had ended up in such a mess!

As you can imagine, this has put a bit of a halt to my activity this week. I was hoping to keep up the momentum for my walking but I've had to be realistic. I'm on a pretty strong mix of anti inflammatory and muscle relaxants in a bid to relax the muscle enough to make the pain ease off so walking is out of the question.  As a result I am having to be extra careful with my food and make sure I stay on programme. I was prepared on Tuesday & I made a massive pot of zero point soup. This has lasted me the week for all of my lunches and as a result I haven't had to think about what to have at all. I have also been having easy dinners, ones my hubby can manage to make! I have also been drinking around 5 litres of water a day to try and make sure I am staying plenty hydrated.

I have had to just remember that Weight Watchers isn't a race, and we will all face road blocks every now and again. This is only temporary and hopefully next week I will be back on my feet and able to take on the world again.

For now, I am going to enjoy a few days of TLC and sofa rest,

 and try to not eat all around me! ;)

Back from holidays and feeling great!

Sorry it has been longer than normal in between posts! I was away on a short holiday with my husband. I had booked flights for us to Jersey as a surprise for him for his birthday and we headed off on Tuesday of last week. I was so excited about going but also so nervous. I was very worried I'd give into holiday temptation and regret it hugely once the rose coloured glasses came off!

I have to say, I am rather proud of myself as I was very well behaved while we were away. Jersey itself is quite a small island and we opted not to hire a car as my cousin had offered to drive us around if needed. This in itself was probably the wisest choice we made as it forced us to walk everywhere. We were based around a mile outside of the town & rather quickly I began to clock up activity points with the walking we were doing just simply exploring. In total, we estimated we walked around 25km in 3 days which I thought was pretty good going! I kept my activity points separate and I didn't dip into them over the break. 

In terms of food, I did not for one second feel deprived. We ate out on our first night and I opted for a yummy salad with the dressing on the side. I also enjoyed some Processco with elderflower which I pointed accordingly. I ate lunches out most days with my husband and my family, but made very wise choices and never regretted anything I ate. One day in particular I had the most delicious Lemon and Honey Chicken Kebab with side salad and I really enjoyed it.

I of course had treats too, but opted for Milky Moo ice pops at 1pp when my hubby went for a 99. We were taken to one amazing harbour that is famous for its HUGE 99s. I have to admit, I had a tub with the equivalent  to a small 99 amount of ice cream but with out the cone or flake. I pointed it and I enjoyed every lick! My husband however did not show the same restraint and went for the very LARGE 99. :)

I have come home from this holiday feeling really relaxed and not in one bit guilty. I had a wonderful few days and I felt it really showed how flexible the programme is. I was able to have a breakfast out on the morning we left Ireland and on the way home, and had healthy choices for both (porridge & fresh fruit in Cork, and Fruit salad and l.f Greek yoghurt in Jersey). I was able to eat out most days but make smart choices. I even had the most delicious white choc and raspberry mini cheese cake one evening, but again was able to factor it all into my dailies and weeklies. 

I think this holiday was a test of how committed I was to the programme. This time last year I went away & I simply ate my way through the holiday and came home feeling rotten and not to mention a few lbs heavier as a result. I really struggled to get back on the wagon after that. This time I made good choices and most importantly I had a wonderful time with my husband. We went walking, sight seeing and my husband even flew us to France in a 4 seater plane. It was his first time flying since he was ill so it was a big achievement!

After this holiday there is no getting back on the wagon as I never came off it. 
And that's a gooood feeling!

I am more than a number.

This week I am trying really hard to avoid gluten and wheat to see if it has any effect on how sick I have been feeling. I am able to link my sick stomach back to some form of gluten or wheat so I think reducing the amount I consume should help me feel less bloated! I have been really frustrated in the past few weeks as I am doing all I should be doing, but haven't been seeing a great result on the scales. I've been walking lots, eating very healthily and drinking lots of water. I have even gone as far as cutting out my beloved diet coke as I was drinking WAY to much of that instead of water! I, as a result, have been feeling much better and so much less sluggish.

As I weighed in last week, and I was down 1.5lbs, I needed a kick up the backside as I was disappointed. I had been doing everything right yet the scales didn't add up in my option. I am the first person to tell someone else how well they are doing, that a lb is a lb and they should be happy, but this week I just couldn't kick the feeling that it wasn't good enough.

I have spent the last few days really thinking about this, and I have come to the conclusion 

1. I am yet again my own worst enemy. 
2. I think as we all embark on this lifestyle change, we rely heavily on the scales to make us feel good about ourselves.

Of course, we all gather together once a week and the main aim is that we see a loss on the scales, and the main goal is to loose weight to become healthier. But I think I have swayed away from my main focus of becoming healthier, and have been more focused on what the scales tell me each week. I am allowing the number on the scales define how I feel about myself and that's not ok. If I have a loss, I obviously feel over the moon, but if I don't loose the amount that I think I deserve to, or God forbid I stay the same, I am really cross at myself and stomp around the house for a few hours after weigh in, beating myself up despite knowing deep down I am making the right choices. 

I fail to take into account the immeasurable benefits that my healthier lifestyle is having on my life long term. I am happier now than I have been in months. My skin and hair are in the best condition of my life. I have energy. I am excited about food, about feeding my body the right foods rather than eating for the sake of eating. I am sleeping better. My joints don't hurt anymore. I can walk without getting puffed. The list goes on and on...

Obviously, I need to loose weight, that's why I am in weight watchers. But allowing a number on a scales dictate how I feel about myself for the rest of the week is not acceptable. And it really can! If I've been really well behaved but I STS, I can really feel rubbish for a few days afterwards. I forget that I am doing my body a favour by being healthier, and that the weight loss will come, and I only focus on what that scales tell me. I love the Special K ad that has women weighing in..removing keys & phones from pockets and hoping the scales will be favourable. All the scales tell them is "you're beautiful". If we are all working hard at being healthy, making the right choices, exercising well and generally leading a positive life, we shouldn't let the scales change how we feel about ourselves. We are doing the best we can, and it might take is a while to get to where we want to be, but right now in this moment, we are doing the best for our health.

So this week I made a list of things I can do now that I couldn't before I started this new chapter in my life. I listed out the benefits of being healthier and what impact it's having on my life. I listed things about myself both physically and internally. I pretty much gave myself a pep talk about why I should be proud of the changes in my life I am making. And I'd encourage you all to do the same! It really perked me up seeing how far I've come, and seeing what positive impacts being healthier is having on my life.

The weight loss will come in time as long as I continue to treat myself well.

For now, that's what I am going to focus on.

It's not a race.

This week I have been struggling a little bit. I have been really good in terms of my eating, so far I have only used 4 weekly points and I've gained a good few exercise points. But i have been struggling with the idea that the scales might not go in my favour again this week. Although I took last week in my stride and didn't allow my mystery 1lb gain have any impact my focus, I am not sure if I will be able to feel as optimistic if I have a gain or a STS this week. 

I have been following one of the WW facebook pages and something that seems to be coming up a lot is that this isn't a race. It's a life style change, not a diet. I thought I had grasped that concept, but this week I realised that I am feeling a little disheartened that my weight loss has slowed down. I was beating myself up a bit over my 1lb gain, and loosing focus on all my hard work to date...which has been a slow, steady weight loss not a quick fix. 

When I am hard on myself, or I get fed up that I'm not loosing weight fast enough the only person I am competing against is me. No one else is trying to beat me at loosing weight, no one else is standing in my shoes. When I am so hard on myself, the only person I am hurting is myself. I am robbing myself of the small victories along the way when I am only focused on the end goal and not rewarding myself for the small achievements. 

I was busy wallowing in my own self pity when I found a shirt that I fitted into rather snugly last June at the height of my weight gain. I thought, sure I'll try it on & maybe it will be a little looser..the shirt was hanging off me. Because I have been so focused on the end goal and not stopping to appreciate my mini goals I hadn't been able to see the weight loss I've had to date. I thought I'd lost a bit and it might be a little noticeable, but when I put on that shirt & my husband took a photo of me, I was really knocked back. So I stopped wallowing, and I gave myself a good old pat on the back. 

How many of us allow ourselves to be robbed of our achievements and the joy that comes with them by being our own worst enemies? I know I AM the only one standing in my way to success. I know I am the only one disappointed if I ONLY loose 1lb instead of the 2lb I'd been hoping for. Instead of enjoying the journey, I am have only been focused on the finish line and as a result I have been harder on myself when getting to that finish line is taking longer than I had planned. 

No more. 

This isn't a race. 

This is my life and instead of wishing it away until I 

reach my goal I am going to enjoy the now.

I am going to enjoy the small victories.

Dust yourself off and keep going.

After my last blog, you can imagine I was expecting to have a loss at weigh in this week. I walked hard, I ate well and I was feeling fairly optimistic. As the week progressed my self belief took a bit of a nose dive as my stomach issues flared up. I have been suffering with celiac like symptoms for a while now, and my Dr & I have been trying to figure out what it is that I'm eating that upsets my stomach. Despite a recent blood test coming back negative for celiac, after a visit to the Dr this week we agreed I would be better off trying a gluten free diet to see if that helps my stomach at all. Being able to show him my WW tracker & being able to say I got sick after eating this etc really was helpful. I've also been diagnosed with IBS which isn't helping matters either!

I went from feeling confident to feeling worried and as weigh in approached I knew I was going to be up. My stomach was very bloated, and despite all my hard work, I knew the scales weren't going to go in my favour. I could have ran away and just written the week off, which believe me did cross my mind around an hour before weigh in, but I knew I needed to weigh in, draw a line under it and start again. I stepped on the scales and I was up one lb. To say I wasn't gutted would be a total lie, but I knew I had done everything right and that this just wasn't my week. I took a deep breath, picked myself up and dusted myself off and this week I’m starting again.

It can be the most frustrating thing in the world when you know you are doing the best that you can do, trying to be more healthy and it just doesn't seem to be paying off. Previously a weigh in like that could have sent me into a spiral of self pity. I could have bought a big tub of Ben & Jerry’s and eaten my way through it in one sitting, but not this time. I decided to take ownership of the result on the scales, and allow it to spur me on rather than hold me back. There may have been a number of reasons I was up, but it doesn't matter now. I am continuing to do the best that I can do, and I am hoping that I will see a result in the coming weeks. I know I can do this, I am determined that I will succeed and if it takes me longer than expected...that's ok too because I WILL get there in the end. I think my attitude is so much healthier recently. Before I would have blamed everything else for me being up, but now I know that regardless of the cause, I am going to continue to work flippin' hard to get the weight off me. I am focused at moving forward and I am not going to let anything hold me back. There will be weeks where life gets in the way, where an event gets in the way or where I just stumble..but this week I just keep thinking that I have to dust myself off and keep going.

After my gain I was feeling really gross and was convinced that the ONE lb was showing. How silly is that? I was forgetting about the other 52lbs I have lost to date and only focusing on that 1lb I gained. I am my own worst enemy and I really beat myself up. I loose focus on all my hard work up the date and focus only on the one negative thing. I had taken my dogs for our 3km march around the block the other day and in a rather gross state I popped into my local, tiny "an siopa" to get a bottle of water. Feeling rather disgusting walking back to my house, I was knocked back when my local hair dresser commented on how well I was looking and how much weight I had lost. We had a good chat and I was really motivated after speaking with her as she was really encouraging. It hit me then, that even after a bad week and in my sweaty state, all my hard work is starting to show. If that didn't spur me on, I don't know what will!

I am determined, I am focused and I am the one in control. No pity parties here..I am going to do this and I will keep moving forward!

Bring on next week!

Scales...it's me and you....bring it on!!